It's Satuday, I'm at my mom's, and it has been snowing for the last 31 hours, give or take. I've been here since Wednesday night, and it doesn't look like I'm leaving anytime soon.. Circumstances, ever changing, have brought me here, and here it looks like I'll stay, at least until I leave for NJ. This is okay. This is not a big surprise to me, nor is it too painful for me; it would have been both a year ago, but today, I am so different, and my life is so different, so much has changed, that now I am more excited, hopeful, anticipating, than anything else. Scared, of course. Anxious, slightly. But let me be honest with myself, for once, finally. This was bound to happen. I was bound to end up breaking up with Alessandro.
It was just never right.
We were never right. I think the beginning was fine because he liked the idea of me, and I liked the idea of him, and we thought together we were ideal, but there was no way we were going to last. And the good little liar I am, I lied, lied, lied to myself about him and who he is and how he treats me and why. And I got pregnant, and it got worse, and I almost left and didn't, it got better, then worse, and worse, and I started to see things the way they were. I started to LET myself see things, and I stopped lying to myself, and my tolerance level just fell through the floor.
I feel stupid. I really do. Why have I, for so long, been okay with everything, and made excuses, and lied to myself? Enough.
What's the point? I am not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself and wish that I had been different, because I did what I had to do, or thought I had to do, to get through things. And I'm through it now, and I'm moving on. I'm done with him. I'm done letting him trample every last bit of me to the floor, and smother me into indifference. Trying to make me into something else. Trying to shape me to his mold. Resenting every move I make, criticizing every choice, making me feel stupid, insecure, unsure, ugly. I am just done.
This is about me, and Tessa; wanting a nice life, fewer worries, being able to raise my daughter without two parents who hate eachother.
But enough about that.

It's snowing, and I have a great family and great friends, a beautiful baby and a wonderful pup.